Dr Fixit (4511 - 4520)

 

4511

who inattentive and deep in chats were

and when negatively they reacted, they were

told by the audience hot in pursuit

what was on. They’d pipe down and as it’d suit

some of them, they tagged along the last tale

to hear. The pole went on as if by a gale

it was driven. The dude we rode on his shoulders

would’ve opted out as from streets to boulevards

we were hauled along but he found his hand

to the pole was glued like the rest of the band

 

4512

of volunteers and until the end of the task,

no one hand could leave the pole. And if you ask

to know why, I’d say wait till this tale

reaches its end as you definitely won’t fail

the gist to grasp. The pole swung across

a busy street, car drivers with force

stepped on their pedals and tyres did screech

as they stopped and the outburst was rich

with foul language at the intruders

who kept on as if chased by robbers.

4513

The volunteers clung to the pole and the crowd

of onlookers, some on motorbikes, were hard

on their heels till the pole swung into

a large compound and then rammed a window,

hauled the volunteers back and rammed again

as a fellow screamed inside. Without refrain,

the pole rammed into the window harder

and the fellow fumbled with the door and did holler

as he marched out but only to see the crowd.

He gaped. The pole swerved around the tout,

 

4514

flew the volunteers through the door

and sailed to a bag with blue as its colour

which hung directly on the wall

and slammed straight into it and then fall

with the volunteers to the floor.

The native doctor grabbed the bag and pour

he did the contents down on the carpet

and among them was a smart-looking gadget.

‘That’s my phone!’ the owner screamed.

The fellow who left the room was screened

 

4515

by the incoming hordes and brought back

and with question after question was attacked.

‘How come this phone was in your bag?’ the owner

of the cafe asked. The suspect did stammer

as he attempted the question to answer.

‘I ... I ... saw it ... in the business centre ...’

‘Why didn’t you give it to us?’ The holler

from the cafe owner was louder

than a siren and drew to every corner

of the yard a horde quite greater

4516

than that of a market. Who did pilfer

the smartphone in shame did cower.

‘I know you’re a regular in our centre

but I didn’t know you spied on us as a robber.

You saw a phone forgotten by the owner

but instead of bringing it to my boy’s corner,

you stole it to rubbish our reputation.

Now you’ve been found out, make a consultation

with the man in charge of the ukang

and whatever the hue of the language, slang

 

4517

‘or standard, get ready to meet

his demands or we’d march you to the street,

and get ready to dance to a horrendous beat.’

‘You had ruffled the sleep of my pole, kid,

and to get it back to base entails sacrifice.

This one won’t eat your noodles or rice

but seven big tubers of yam and a live cock;

you’d return before the hand of a clock

makes a full turn and counts the hour

five thousand naira to the cafe owner

 

4518

‘and pay damages to who owns the smartphone

if any part of it loses its original tone

and for the transport of my illustrious pole

back to its base, seven thousand out you must dole.

I’m done,’ the native doctor said and put back

the branch of leaves between his lips. The lad

looked around him like an astronaut

stepping out into space sensing if cold or hot

is the ambience or if the aliens might

emerge to welcome his presence or fight.

4519

The young man’s mind in fact raced helter-skelter.

‘Who is the owner of this shelter?’

the business centre owner moved to ask

a pertinent question. It seemed like a task

for the fellow to answer and a gruff voice

butted in: ‘I wish una go make the final choice

and hand this guy to us. If we panel-beat him

for five minutes or ten, his sense wey be like e dim

go light up and trust me, wetin una no ask,

he go answer.’ The pidgin response said the task

 

4520

of making the thief to act quickly

would be swift if the thief stiffly

was beaten. Jungle justice you’d call it

and the thief who caught the drift

was now babbling out his response.

‘It’s a family house,’ replied the dunce.

‘Can we see your parents?’ The question

came from the cafe’s owner. The attention

of everyone was drawn towards the finger

of the smart-looking youthful phone snatcher.