Dr Fixit (4531 - 4540)

 

4531

‘to describe such Yet. You have the licence

to craft a new term. Use your common sense.’

My aide nodded and repeated: ‘Ukang.’

It is a term known to every inhabitant

of the city here. It comes in diverse forms,

simple or complex. Something could be torn

like a thread or broomstick when the name

of a culprit is mentioned though it did remain

in the middle of a long list of names

or the eyes of a culprit could be inflamed

 

4532

as if pepper was sprayed into them

as the ukang is administered and then,

he or she would yelp and the eyes reddish

would turn and burn and the culprit won’t relish

such experience but relief comes only

when the native doctor’s dictates duly

are met. When what he asked for is given

and a sacrifice is undertaken,

items mystically thrown into the eyes

with special leaves would be made to fly out

 

4533

and things like the seeds of alligator pepper

could be seen landing on the ground and the leper

again could be made whole. ‘Ukang is closely

related with mbiam,’ to my orderly

I volunteered to explain further.

‘The latter is more extreme than the former.

If a bad deed is done, the culprit

suffers mysteriously grave consequences if it

had been placed on an object beforehand

or administered after the victim’s demand

4534

‘to a native doctor that it so be done

as over time his patience off had been worn.

For instance, the owner of a farm

whose produce frequently suffers harm

like yam tubers or bunches of plantain

being cut could think of how to retain

the thief who frequently does this right there

on the farm or for an object to adhere

to the culprit and if he or she won’t confess

within a stipulated time frame; then next

 

4535

‘he or she would die after a prolonged period

of ill health. The funeral is not devoid

of rituals by a specialised native doctor

but with a popular fetish called ankor,

who dies of it is buried by a cult

of same name.’ The new terms did catapult

my friend to repeat them, committing these

to memory. Clearly, he didn’t want to miss

any new terms in English or otherwise.

I let him a while to organize

 

4536

and file away these in his memory.

Soon, he would enrich his linguistic library.

I went on: ‘It has been said a python

mysteriously could wrap itself on the loin

and except confession is made, it would

stay there whether you’re clothed or nude.’

‘What!’ my aide exclaimed. ‘Of course, fear

would always make such a burden hard to bear.

As the thief confesses, the owner of the farm

would guide him or her on the plan

 

4537

‘for redemption and when the conditions are met,

the evil would disappear, you can bet.

The sign of one who has been arrested

by ankor is swelling from feet which to the head

finally from the tummy would spread

and eventually, the culprit would be dead.

The sign responds to no treatment

and even apt rituals at the wrong moment

(which is the point the swell reaches the belly)

can’t reverse the damage really.

 

4538

‘It’s said when ankor members celebrate,

they walk barefoot and it’d even be unfortunate

for anyone to strike their feet during procession

as such is cursed with affliction

with ankor and the food shared in such events

is eaten and finished there as the remains

would harm who eats it. You part with it.’

My aide’s eyes popped and he did

in wonderment uttered: ‘Humans!

They don’t stop doing things in a trance

 

4539

‘would leave you.’ The motorcyclist did march

his brakes and the tyres sounded harsh.

Our host disembarked, paid the fare and walked

into the cafe where in all directions, people talked.

The one topic was the phone that the dude

took and how the pole rode into his neighbourhood

and slammed straight into the dude’s room

and removed from the phone owner’s face the gloom

which stayed there when he realized his phone

was gone. The chatter was silenced by the moan

4540

of the man whose motorcycle someone took.

‘Oga, help me!’ Everyone took a look

quite contemplative at the fellow moaning.

‘Yes, what’s the problem?’ The probing

came from the cafe owner seeing the bloke

was directly addressing him. ‘A yoke

another thief had put on my shoulder

as we were watching with you how our brother,

the medicine man, guided his pole to retrieve

the stolen phone. Someone there did relieve