WHAT THE NANNY GOAT TOLD HER KIDS (CHAPTER 9) - A
CHAPTER 9
THE
REGISTRATION EXERCISE for the get-rich-quick Western-backed scheme (according
to what the coordinators professed) brought all sorts of characters to the
Ransoms’ threshold and Mr Ransom seeing the mean ones around would ask his
family (just like himself) to keep alert eyes on them.
There
was one fellow Grace readily identified as a potential crook as all the while
he sat on the bench waiting to be attended to, he was just gawking at the goats
and if not the goats were moved at night from the open pen to the locked-up
stalls, something nasty might have happened soon to some as her instincts
strongly warned her.
Even
the dogs were not safe. It was the reason they were not allowed to mingle with
visitors during the day and were freed mostly when there was nobody in the
house and at night.
It
was after a month that the applicants said, starting from Mr Ransom, that they
were getting text messages on their phones from the NGO inviting them to a
seminar at a location, a school ground, not too far from the village.
A
date was fixed and the lucky applicants were asked to come down there with a
paltry sum of two thousand naira (compared to the vast hundreds of thousands or
even millions of bucks they were about to get) to cover the materials they
would be given as they prepared on how they would receive and judiciously spend
their funds.
Curiously,
with a little cash hidden in the corners of their pockets or wallets, the
applicants left their homes for the seminar.
If
they got there and were not satisfied with what they saw, they would keep their
cash and write off the exercise as another ‘four-one-nine’ business (the code
name generally used in the country to refer to fraud though the decree with
that number was made to punish and deter the crime).
Of
course, it was their money and nobody would force them to use it if they did
not see a good need on why they should spend it.
An
impressive crowd turned out at the venue making those who were double-minded
plunge headlong into the scheme. It looked like if anyone dragged his or her
feet, another would readily step forward and corner any available cash. People
just counted themselves lucky to be at the seminar.
The
coordinators of the events came out in their sleek garbs and cars and from
their erudition, no one needed to be told they were products from great
faculties of great universities within and outside the country.
They
all spoke polished English but they understood the dynamics of the country,
taking time to explain some facets of the discourse in lucid Pidgin English so
that the less educated in the crowd were not left behind and knowing the crowd
was a medley of tribes, every speaker would identify with one (as they were of
different ethnic backgrounds or linguists who pretended to come from different
parts of the region).
The
first speaker started with the core reason for the seminar: ‘Good day, my
fathers, mothers, brothers and sisters. We thank you all for keeping your
phones on and when you received our messages, for honouring the invitation to
be here today and hear our talk.
‘Just
as we gather here right now, others are gathering in different locations in
every state of this country to hear the same things we would be telling you all
here.
‘We
thank God for the well-meaning people of the countries of the West, the United
States of America, the United Kingdom, Canada, the Netherlands up to Germany
and even the great people of Japan and China.’
(When
Grace later heard Mr Ransom mention the two last countries while recounting at
home their experience during the discourse to his family; having eaten Mr
Ransom’s youngest daughter’s map before, she quietly wondered when Japan and
China slid from the East to become countries of the West.)
The
first speaker nevertheless went on: ‘These honourable nations are ready to
throw in – in fact, had already thrown in large chunks of money individually to
assist the common and poor people of this great country blessed with so much
oil yet made poor by those in the corridors of power. The different NGOs that
are involved in distributing these funds to all those lucky to hear me speak
now know the madness that hides in money, that can trick the goat to step out
of its hiding place and challenge the lion …’
That
got everyone in the big hall laughing out loud and when they managed to quieten
down, the speaker went on: ‘Well, it is to check any dangerous situation
arising when you hear the bank alert slip in and then ring your phone the money
has gone into your account and is all yours, that the NGOs thought it is wise trained
people like us first talk to the beneficiaries about what you’d do, how you’d
control yourselves and use your funds well and how above all, you’d not attract
armed robbers to raid your homes and attack you and your family.
‘We
are here to guide you on how not to turn this blessing into a curse.’ That
sounded nice in the ears of the crowd and they smiled and were attentive too.
‘The
first place to secure is your mind. Learn to control it and do not be like the
woman we’ve heard who was in deep poverty but luckily had a child who crossed
the hot Sahara Desert where we’ve seen skulls and bones litter the hot dry sand
on our TV sets as people take risks running away to Europe and they would also
cross the raging Atlantic Ocean in small useless boats where crocodiles are
following to see who’d fall off for them to grab.
‘The
child of the said woman successfully landed in Italy. The day her younger child
received a package from her sibling and rushed in to inform the mom, the mom
out of over-excitement screamed and jumped and had a heart attack.
‘Unfortunately,
she did not live to enjoy whatever goodies her child had sent her. May that not
be your portion!’
‘Amen
o!’ echoed around the hall. Some spoke additional positive things to back up
their claims. When a hush fell on the hall again, the speaker said, after
wiping his moistened face with a handkerchief he retrieved from his pocket:
‘Please, please, learn here if you didn’t do that before to stay calm in any
situation. No amount of money, no matter how poor you fancy yourself to be,
should make you go mad and harm yourself. Instead, keep calm and think of how
you’d make good use of that money to keep yourself and your descendants from
ever being poor again.’
‘Yes
o!’ the crowd responded enthusiastically and heads nodded in all directions.
The
speaker went on: ‘Most of us just think money, money, money. We have this wrong
belief that when we step into money everything will fall into its rightful
place.
‘For
most of us, the reason we desperately want money is to start dwelling in
fast-food joints and take alcoholic drinks from morning till night. What our
parents ate and lived long would just seem to us like symbols of poverty and we
make sure such things do not grace our plates and tables again. Soon, we become
regular visitors to hospitals.
‘We’ve been asked to first guide you to the things you’d spend your money on to enable you to live long and enjoy the funds that will be given to you through the benevolence of the good people of the West.’
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